


Welcome to Our Haunted House

by alchemicink



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Gen, Haunted House, Humor, halloween fic, how did this end up with so many random movie references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 03:51:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5114825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemicink/pseuds/alchemicink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Halloween, 7 puts together a haunted house for BEST. But is it scary enough for them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Our Haunted House

**Author's Note:**

> Completely rushed Halloween fic. I'm so sorry it's really silly. I don't know what I was thinking while writing this! Please check out the end note for full credits.
> 
> Enjoy~!

“Are you serious?” Yabu asked, looking up from the clipboard with skeptical eyes.

“Serious as a heart attack,” Yamada answered gravely, “which you might have while going through our super scary haunted house. Please sign the waiver so we aren’t liable.” He made a serious stern face, but it looked ridiculous while he was dressed as a vampire. The outfit was complete with pointy fangs and lots of fake blood while he waved a pen in their faces so they could sign the paper. If Dracula had been the editor of his school newspaper, he probably would have looked similar. 

“Yeah, I doubt that will happen,” Hikaru scoffed as he signed his name on the paper with a ridiculous flourish to show he didn’t really care much about needing Yamada’s carefully crafted liability waiver. But the rest of BEST followed suit and signed as well. They’d been listening to 7 hype up their haunted house project for a month, so they were all eager to see if it lived up to expectations. 

“Well that’s it then,” Yamada said as he put away his clipboard, which made him finally look a bit more like bloodthirsty monster and less like Dracula’s awkward college years. “Enjoy your frightening journey through the labyrinth.” 

“The _Labyrinth_? Will David Bowie be inside?” Daiki asked with a hopeful laugh. He stood on his tip toes to look past Yamada as he tried to peer inside the entrance. The entire group turned to look at him in confusion. Daiki just stared back, equally confused. “Have… have none of you ever seen that movie?” 

“No,” Yamada answered. 

Daiki frowned. “Well, I know what we’re watching for our next movie night,” he muttered to himself. 

Meanwhile, Takaki had put on a pair of black sunglasses. “Okay, guys. Let’s do this.” He looked sorta like he was trying to be a cool extra in a _Men in Black_ or _Matrix_ movie. Nobody bothered to comment on this sudden attitude because everyone was pretty sure Takaki would scream like a small child after only a few minutes. That is, if the haunted house was scary at all. 

“So I guess this is where we should start?” Yabu said with a shrug.

“Always let your conscience be your guide,” Inoo said cheerfully. 

“Or… we could just follow the signs…” Hikaru said, pointing to the _this way to your doom_ sign scrawled in Yuto’s distinct handwriting directing them to the entrance of the haunted house. Vampire Yamada had already disappeared somewhere else, having got all his signatures, thus leaving the five guys on their own to explore the haunted house themselves. 

“This is exciting!” Daiki said, beginning to bounce with anticipation as they all walked into the first room. 

“This isn’t really scary,” Takaki remarked as he peeked over the top of his black sunglasses. In the dimly lit room, they could all see that the walls were covered with fake blood that was slowly oozing towards the floor.

Hikaru was not impressed. “What’s scary is the amount of time they’re gonna have to spend cleaning this place up later.”

“Don’t be such a party pooper,” Yabu scolded him half-heartedly because most of his attention was focused on dragging Inoo away from the wall before he poked or licked the mysterious fake blood substance. 

In addition to the mood-setting bloodstains on the walls, there were also messages of warning scrawled everywhere. Giant letters of DANGER, BEWARE , WATCH YOUR STEP, and KEEP OUT were handwritten at every angle. 

Takaki pointed to one message by the doorway leading to the next room. “Why does this one say _always look both ways before crossing the street_?” 

“That’s just good advice,” Daiki said, nodding in agreement with the message.

“This place is a snooze fest so far,” Hikaru said loudly so that anyone hiding in the shadows could hear his complaint. 

From the next room over, they suddenly heard a high-pitched scream. 

“Was that Keito?” Yabu asked. 

\---

“Keito, dude, you’ve got to stop scaring yourself with your own props,” Yuto whispered. “That severed head is not very scary.” 

“I’m pretty sure it just blinked at me,” Keito whispered back, looking like a frightened extra in a horror film.

“But it’s made of papier-mâché.” 

“It’s still really creepy,” Keito shuddered. The sleeves of his robe were too long, so he set the head down long enough to push the fabric out of the way again. Keito hadn’t wanted to dress up for the haunted house at all, but his decision was vetoed by the others. So he ended up in some knock-off Harry Potter cosplay Yamada had bought from the store. 

(“This isn’t really a monster costume,” Keito had said as he tried to cover up the Gryffindor patch on the wizarding robes. 

“The store was almost out of costumes, so it was either that or a princess dress,” Yamada had explained.

“You dodged a bullet there, buddy,” Yuto had said as he stole the round-framed glasses from the costume and put them on. 

“I’m disappointed you aren’t a princess,” Chinen had quietly declared and walked out of the room.)

“We should probably move,” Yuto said. “Yamada said the guys are already in the first room so we need to start…” he trailed off and wrinkled his nose like he had an itch he couldn’t scratch because of the copious amounts of face paint he had on. “…start scaring them,” he finally finished. 

Keito shrugged and gingerly picked up his papier-mâché prop again. “Why are you walking so slow?”

“I’m… just… getting… into… character…” he answered, drawing out each word in time with each step forward. Yuto had chosen to be a zombie so that he could go crazy with the makeup and face paint. And his tattered costume did look pretty impressive. 

“I’ll just go ahead…” Keito said. Yuto had barely budged from his previous spot. 

“Perhaps… I… should… have… given… this… more… thought…” Yuto continued speaking and shuffling forward even though Keito had already tripped over the hem of his oversized robes as he left the room. 

\---

“Ouch,” Takaki winced as he bounced off the side of the door frame as they entered into the next room. He frowned and massaged his shoulder. “It’s so dark in here,” he complained about the room’s lighting. 

“That’s the point,” Yabu said as he swiped Takaki’s dark sunglasses for safety’s sake. 

The room was decorated in cobwebs stretching across the furniture and the walls, putting a macabre feeling in the air. It was good for the mood, but still wasn’t exactly terrifying enough to warrant a liability waiver. Along with the cobwebs, a family of skeletons were seated around the room, looking quite domestic except for the fact, of course, that they were only a pile of plastic bones. 

“It’s like someone raided a high school science lab,” Hikaru said. “I’m still not impressed.” 

“Hey, Inoo,” Daiki called out and pointed to the skeleton seated at the piano in the corner of the room. “It’s you in a hundred years!” 

The skeleton had on a cute bowtie, suspenders, and a simple straw hat while its boney fingers rested perfectly over the ivory keys. 

“Oh, let me take a selfie!” Inoo dashed over there and awkwardly positioned himself in front of the skeletal musician, but right as he was about to take the picture, the whole thing roared to life with the skeleton’s hands moving to press the piano keys. The dulcet tones of an old-timey tune floated in the air as the mechanical skeleton continued to play. Startled, Inoo jumped away as did the rest of the group. Except for Hikaru, who merely yawned. 

“Aww, he ruined my photo,” Inoo complained. The blurry mess on his phone didn’t resemble either him or his skeleton lookalike. With a somewhat wary glance at the rest of the motionless skeletons, they all decided to move to the next room. 

\---

“They’re going to the kitchen,” Yamada whispered to Keito from his observation post. “Why…” he trailed off and did a double take at his friend. “Why are you holding an eggplant?”

“Someone told me it was for good luck,” he explained.

Yamada rolled his eyes and took the fruit away from him. “Nevermind that. Is Yuto in position?” 

Keito frowned. “I doubt it.” At the rate Yuto was moving earlier, Keito figured it’d be next Halloween before he made it to the right place. Yamada mirrored his frown and looked as if he wished he’d been able to pick out Yuto’s costume like he had for Keito.

“Go distract them until Yuto gets there.” 

Keito just sighed and headed to the kitchen. He was going to have to think of a lot of things to stall them while their errant zombie continued his slow trek to the kitchen. 

“By the way, have you seen Chinen lately?” Yamada paused to ask, but Keito just shook his head. 

Unbeknownst to everyone, Chinen was busy preparing for the scariest part of the whole haunted house experience. 

\---

“Oh, the kitchen,” Hikaru remarked as they all entered the room. He elbowed Yabu with a smirk on his face. “This place is probably terrifying for you, isn’t it?” 

Yabu scowled but actually stopped before walking too far into the kitchen. “Is that an insult to my cooking skills?” 

“You have to have skills first to be able to insult them,” Inoo said as he picked up a bowl left sitting on the counter. It was supposed to look like worms but even without decent lighting they could tell it was just a bowl of spaghetti. The whole room, in fact, was littered with various food items designed to look like dismembered body parts. 

Daiki uncovered a dish on the stove and then laughed. “Meatloaf again??” he joked and pointed to the contents inside, but then lost the smile on his face when no one else understood the reference. “Don’t tell me none of you have seen _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_ either?” 

He was met with four blank stares.

“Another one on the list then,” Daiki muttered to himself. 

The group’s examinations of the haunted kitchen were interrupted by Keito walking in from the other doorway. “Boo!” he shouted loudly to catch their attention. 

Hikaru burst out laughing at the non-attempt to be scary while everyone else just looked confused and didn’t know how to react. Keito cautiously held out the shrunken papier-mâché head like he was afraid it was going to start speaking or something. 

“Why are you dressed like Harry Potter?” Takaki asked. He pulled a fork out of the sink and began eating the scary spaghetti and the gelatin brains in the bowl beside it. 

Keito gave up on the shrunken head and pulled out his wand instead. “I’m a wizard. And I’m going to… curse you? For, uh… trespassing on hallowed ground…?” 

“It’s just a kitchen,” Yabu said as he examined a butcher knife covered in blood. 

Not very interested in Keito’s threat of a curse, Hikaru and Inoo just shrugged and joined Takaki over with the spooky snacks. They had finished the spaghetti and had moved on to something resembling eyeballs and fingers, which apparently were quite tasty. 

Daiki, however, had decided to play along with Keito’s act. “Are you a master of voodoo?” he asked, picking up the discarded head. He juggled it from hand to hand easily since it was so light. 

Keito watched warily as his prop flew through the air. “Um… maybe?”

Then Daiki broke out into a wide grin as if he’d just remembered something wonderful. “You remind me of the babe,” he said loudly, catching the attention of the rest of the group as well. 

“…what babe?” Keito asked. 

“The babe with the power.” 

Keito scratched his head. “What power?” 

“The power of voodoo,” Daiki grinned and tossed the head up again. 

“Who do?” Keito said, apparently having misheard what he’d said. 

Daiki pointed directly at him. “You do.” 

“Do… what?” 

“Remind me of the babe.” Daiki looked immensely satisfied after he completed his joke and even returned the head to Keito, who just grimaced. But after a moment no one else reacted and Daiki sighed again very loudly. 

“Have you not seen _Labyrinth_ either, Keito? Really?” 

But before Keito could answer, there was a scuffling sound from behind the door to the food closet, and it suddenly swung open to reveal Yuto in all his zombie-fied glory. 

“BRAAAAAIIIIINNNSSSSSS,” he shouted, arms outstretched towards the group as he slowly stumbled forward. 

The surprise entrance actually managed to get a shriek out of Inoo and Yabu, who both hugged each other in fright. 

“Um… presto change-o, disappear-o?” Keito exclaimed as he darted out of the room, apparently confusing the concept of _wizard_ with _magician_. He left the papier-mâché head behind. Yuto could handle the job of scaring people now.

“Oh noooo, whatever shall we do,” Hikaru said in a very sarcastic tone. Nothing seemed to faze him at all so far. Yuto approached him slowly with his eyes glazed over and his mouth open wide as he continued to shout _brainsssss_. Hikaru continued to look unimpressed up until the moment Yuto got close enough to bite his ear. 

“Dude, what the hell?” Hikaru said, jumping back and rubbing the sore spot. 

“Hungryyyy… for… brainssssss…” Yuto’s dedication to his zombie character was quite spectacular. 

“Here you go,” Takaki said cheerfully as he deposited the bowl of half-eaten gelatin brain into Yuto’s still-outstretched arms. 

Yuto looked down in surprise. “Thaaaanksssss……?”

“Let’s check out the next room,” Daiki said. 

\---

Yamada gave Keito a disapproving look when he joined back up with his fellow groupmate. Keito pretended he didn’t notice. 

“How did you manage to Yuto there in time?” he asked innocently. 

Yamada scowled, putting his vampire teeth on full display. “I literally picked him up and carried him to the kitchen because he refused to break character to walk faster.”

“Did he try to bite you too?” 

“…so have you seen Chinen lately?” Yamada didn’t even try to be subtle about changing the subject. Chinen was supposed to be scaring BEST in the next room anyway. 

“Here I am,” a voice whispered in a somewhat sinister tone. 

They turned to see Chinen standing there wearing one of the most awful outfits they’d ever seen. It was the ridiculously weird origami-inspired costumes they’d worn during one of their previous concert tours. The pieces of fabric stuck out at strange angles and the sheer amount of material almost swallowed up Chinen underneath it. 

“I thought you said you were going to be a ghost,” Yamada said with narrowed eyes. Keito looked disturbed and took a step back.

“I’m the Ghost of Crazy Costumes Past,” Chinen smirked which actually looked much more devious under the pale ghostly make-up he’d slathered all over his face. 

“Right.” Yamada just frowned and decided not to argue. 

“Anyway, don’t mind me,” Chinen said. “I’m going to go scare the pants off of our dear friends.” He picked up a 90’s era boom-box and walked out the door, leaving behind a very confused Yamada and Keito. 

\---

BEST entered the next room and observed the scene before them. It was the bedroom of the house and it was an absolute mess. The bedcovers were twisted up and the furniture looked beat up and broken. Even the mirror on the wall was shattered. 

“This sorta looks like a scene from _The Exorcist_ ,” Daiki remarked. “I bet you guys haven’t seen that before either.” 

“I don’t like to exercise,” Inoo said.

“I said _exorcist_ , not _exercist_ ,” Daiki snapped in frustration. “Really, it’s a classic horror film. I can’t believe none of you have seen it.” 

At that moment, the main musical theme from _The Exorcist_ began to play and eerie fog began to fill up the room. Over the music, they could hear sinister laughter. 

“I’m the Ghost of Crazy Costumes Past. Welcome to your nightmare,” a voice called out and they could see a strange shaped figure emerge from the shadows. Once it got closer, they all recoiled as they realized it was Chinen wearing that ridiculous origami costume from one of their past concerts. Before they could react any further though, Chinen pulled out a can of silly string and sprayed them all with it. 

“My hair! Nooooo!” Takaki wailed and ducked behind the closest person to avoid the spray. He was finally ditched his cool attitude by acting like the frightened child they all had guessed he would earlier. 

Chinen laughed again and disappeared, leaving BEST behind to untangle themselves from the mess. 

Hikaru looked annoyed. “If that’s how the movie goes, I don’t want to see it,” he told Daiki. 

Before they had time to recover, the music began again and Chinen reemerged in a different outfit. It was hard to make out through all the fog but eventually they could see that Chinen was wearing a gaudy flowery suit, although it was actually the one NEWS had worn back when they were promoting their _Kibou Yell_ single.

“These costumes will haunt you forever,” Chinen said in a ghostly voice. And then he tossed a bucket of plastic spiders at them. 

This time, Takaki ducked behind Inoo in fright and grabbed onto the belt loops of Inoo’s pants as he cowered from having more things land in his hair. Meanwhile, Daiki ducked under the covers of the bed for safety. Once Chinen had faded back into the shadows, Daiki reemerged with a plastic horse head covered in fake blood that he had found underneath the twisted sheets. He opened his mouth to ask if anyone had seen _The Godfather_ but then decided it was a lost cause. 

“Who knew old costumes were so disturbing?” Yabu said as he brushed plastic spiders from his hair and shoulders. 

“It’s not really that scary, you guys,” Hikaru said. He was bored and picked a chair to sit down in. 

The familiar music began to play as the fog machine sent another fresh wave of smoke towards them again. They all paused to see what Ghost Chinen would be wearing this time. 

He appeared laughing maniacally and wearing the transparent costumes Arashi had worn during their debut. The shirt part and lower pants part were see-through but the upper part of the pants around his waist was white. 

Chinen grinned the most evil grin they’d ever seen. “I’ve brought some for you to wear too.” He held out an armful of the ridiculous see-through costumes. 

“Noooooooo!” the group collectively shouted in horror. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Daiki shouted and they all dashed out of the room back the way they came. Yuto was still in the kitchen slowly eating the gelatin brain and casually watched as they all ran by. They passed through the living room where they skeletons were unfazed by their madcap escape. When they made it to the first room, they saw that the door had _NO EXIT_ painted in blood across it, but they ignored it and wrenched it open. The five of them spilled out into the safety of sunlight again. 

Except for Hikaru who just looked vaguely unimpressed, the rest of the group looked relieved to have escaped. 

“That was traumatizing,” Inoo said. 

“Let’s be infinitely grateful we didn’t debut in the 90’s,” Yabu said as he sat down on the house’s front steps. 

The front door swung open to reveal 7, all looking pleased that their haunted house had been successful. “Glad you signed those liability waivers now right?” Yamada said as he removed his fake vampire teeth. 

“It wasn’t scary,” Hikaru shrugged. 

“I was sorta scared,” Takaki admitted while Daiki helped him remove more of the silly string from his hair. 

“Well this has been fun,” Chinen said, now back in normal clothing, thankfully. 

Yamada and Keito exchanged a look and a sly smile but no one else seemed to notice. 

Yamada cleared his throat for everyone’s attention. “Hey, how about you give us a few minutes to change clothes and scrub the face paint off of Yuto, and then we can go hang out at a café for a while? Keito and I know a really good place nearby.” 

The whole group agreed and soon they were on their way. Everyone chatted happily about their haunted house experience, teasing each other about the costumes and their reactions. Hikaru, of course, just continued to insist that it wasn’t scary at all and that they should try harder next year. 

“And here we are,” Yamada said as Keito gestured to the entrance of the café in front of them. 

Suddenly Hikaru shrieked louder than anyone had all day and then he ran away down the street shouting “I hate you all!” 

Yamada and Keito high-fived. “I knew coming to the cat café would work,” Yamada said, looking pleased. 

“Happy Halloween!” they all called out after him.

**Author's Note:**

> Credit for Chinen's costume and the cat cafe idea goes to Lisa who happily suggested a ton of things for this fic (probably not realizing that I was going to use them :P). Also that random bit about eggplants was for you, Ansa! :P 
> 
> For reference: [Labyrinth](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labyrinth_\(film\)/) starring David Bowie, [The Rocky Horror Picture Show](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rocky_Horror_Picture_Show/), [The Godfather](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Godfather/), [The Exorcist](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Exorcist_\(film\)/), [Tubular Bells](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hbQpjYtbps/) (the theme music from The Exorcist)
> 
> I can't seem to get links to the costume pictures to work, but they'll pop up if you google "News Kibou Yell", "Arashi's debut costumes" and "hey say jump asia tour origami"


End file.
